You waited for it, and here it is, the phone call that caused at least one lawyer in PA to be mildly inconvenienced for two minutes. The dramatic Fiancee phone call from yesterday's IWOPOTAOW (what you you haven't listened to that yet? Go back a day on the blog and catch up you lazy bastard).
Twas Kegs and Eggs today, it twas, and it twer, tweriffic. What? OK,Â so maybe we all imbibed enough to kill a small Meridith today, the important thing is this... thank you very much to those of you who made it out, we had a blast. Don't forget we're doing it all again Friday with the Airborne Toxic Event! InÂ the meantime, take a listen to what you may have missed, Portugal played their brains out.
Tomorrow is the best day evar! KEGS N' EGGS RETURNS
This is important; tomorrow at the Firefly lounge in Westport, Afentra will buy the first 100 people through the door beer and breakfast! AND to top it off, Portugal the Man will be there to perform for you. To sum up, you + Afentra + beer + eggs + Portugal the Man= WIN!
Bonus points to those who can figure out what the hell their name means.
I can't believe how the Apple store works, they have these shiny expensive things that want to be purchased,Â they work you into this horny tech froth, and then c-tease you at the moment of what should be release saying, "Sorry you can't buy that." Listen as DB works himself into a different kind of froth, a rage froth about the Apple store and why theyÂ just need to shut up and take my money.
Hide your weed hide your pie, cause they stealin' everyone's drugs up in here
I have never been so dissapoint, and clearly this is actually my fault. I was foolish enough to believe that people such as my hero the Aceman, would have time for weed and pie, sadly things did not go as expected. I don't fault Mr. Carolla, I just felt the actions were a bit dickish and against alleged pot code. He is a busy man, who takes time to sign everything after the show, I wonder if his entourage signed my now missing pipe. I'll miss you Easton...
With Bin Laden's death, I needed some hard hitting newsmen to lay down the facts, as I tend to make up my own as I go along (one more time, please note if you are getting your news from me, there is something wrong). Big thanks to E.J. Becker and Jaime fgwasdfeg (can't spell her last name) from 980 KMBZ for helping out.
No joke, the first song sung at the spontaneous gathering at the White House was Queen's "We are the Champions". Seemed like "Star Spangled Banner" would have been the natural choice, but what ever floats your (up)boat I suppose. What songs would you have sung?
What the hell is happening in PV? Kids shooting kids? You see apparently in this white majority, affluent, white high school, these kids know what is going down. They know all about what "up dog" is (nothin' wat's up with you?). And there is nothing, NOTHING, we should fear more than gangs based out of Shawnee Mission East High School! Listen as DB, talks about the difficulty of growing up in a suburb with a large tax base (including his new hit single "Charge Yourself")
Ah my wife was mad at me for Holly Starr yesterday, so I tried to fix things by using a car analogy, you know, you are what you drive. Well let's just say I dug the hole deeper this AM. But you were right there to assist me in the digging and for that I am indebted to you forever. What kind of car is your spouse?
It's Wednesday so that means, you guessed it, IWOPOTAOW! We called a bit of an audible this week, originally esta chiquita wanted an apology from her friends for getting her fired, but halfway through she wanted to call her ex-boss instead. So Danny said:
Oooooh snap! Drunken debauchery x2 in 1 week? Awwwwww Yeah! Make sure you join us for both, May 17th for Portugal the Man, and May 20th for ATE! 21 or over only, no you can't beg, no your fake ID is a bad idea as you are not a 56 year old Asian male.
For the rest of you law abiding citizens, please do come and imbibe fermented grain and consume fried chicken embryos. It will be a good time for all you non vegans!
Well, lookie here, someone hates DB. Congrats sir, you are the first person ever to do so...wait what's that? Oh that's right, Danny's been hating himself since 1982. But fortunately this piece of vitriolic literature is exceptionally well written, he must take lessons from this guy:
I know right, total bullshit! Sadly much like the Amazon EC2 cluster outage, our audio recorder went down right about the time where you could find out if that horny coed was going to get laid. Think of it this way, you are deprived of humor, and I am deprived of tape that could get me a job anywhere in Iowa! IOWA BITCHES!
I asked the engineers if they were working on restoring the audio and they said
I want an apology Tuesday on Wednesday is back! In this exciting installment, Dan wants an apology from his friend for murdering his turtle. "That's so lame Danny!" I know I thought so too, but I called, and well, GOLD happened.
Earthquakes in Japan, corruption in Washington D.C. , Ke$ha...things are looking bleak. Let's go back to a time when things were good, a time when disparity between the working class and CEO's was reasonable, a time when news was the only "reality TV". New game time here on ABFMB, what makes you nostalgia and go, "DAAWWWWWWWWW"
Meet my man Tim (@drunk_money) Marks, this man knows beer, I mean look at him... I SAID LOOK AT HIM! He stopped by the studio to play my new favorite game, "Person in your neighborhood." Listen up as he gives advice on wheats, beers for women, and vegans (haha vegan beer...you guys are so faggy...What? I can't say "faggy" anymore? It's offensive? Really? That's so faggy). Oh and he got DB niiiiiiccccceee and lit on a Thursday morning.
Oh man what an amazing show I had today... I can't wait to share it with you here on the blog...what's that Engineering? I can't hear what you're saying...
We run this computer program that logs all our shows so that I can then post the goodness that is ABFMB for you to enjoy if you a) miss it or b) love it so much you want to share it with your friends (yeah right). Apparently it derped when it was supposed to herp and I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT! Le sigh, now if you'll excuse me I have to go ragequit the internet and send a passive email.
Tomorrow on the show:
Person in your neigborhood, making beer edition
How beautiful are you? I've g0t a computer program that might hold the answer
It's that time of the week again, where we insert ourselves in the middle of people who can't handle their own drama. Give it a listen; Amanda is afraid her friend Candy is boning her BF...ZOMG! Oh and she's a Lawrence chick so, you know, sorry in advance.
Oh these two, can they ever get along? He says "tomato", she says "shut the fuck up," could they be any more compatable? There is nothing like arguing corporal punishment at 08:00 am on a 100k watt stick for compelling content!
Meet Chris he eats tampons. . . good for him tampon
(Hey want to see something NOT SAFE FOR WORK OR LIFE. I am fucking serious, there is no reason for you to click this link if you have family or friends or a job. You will profusely vomit. Please understand I just googled "Tampon Eater" and need someone to share the guilt of seeing this. THIS WILL GET YOU FIRED/MURDERED. AGAIN DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK
Every Tuesday we steal from Jimmy Fallon and play the hashtag game, the idea being you are much funnier than we, and provide the best kind of content.... free. The # this week was "placentapod" a.k.a things to listen to while a doctor pulls on the umbilical cord of your newborn child. Here were some of our favorites
Muse - Super Massive Black Hole (haha large vagina joke)
SemiSonic - Closing Time ( These guys make the buzz playlist once every 3 years)
Mumford and Son's - The Cave (more vagina giggles)
The Ramones - I Wanna be Sedated (WINNER)
Social Distortion - Mommy's Little Monster (not a good precedent)
Say Anything - Alive with the Glory of Love (Songs about the Holocaust = love? )
Bright Eyes - First Day of my Life (Way to make the pregnant chick cry)
Coheed and Cambria -Welcome Home (Fuck yeah rock fist baby)
Jennifer Zuniga, mom of the year, walked her son to a fight, video taped it, then posted it to you tube. Parenting. . . Â You're doing it wrong! Just remember it is ok to fight as long as you do it Â in the front yard
You know what a fun topic is at 7am? Motha' fuckin' taxes!
Claire McRichbiatch (D-MO)Â has a lot of money; she forgot to pay taxes, thus we mock her. tax man
Emily Browning. . . yeah you'd hit it
Wow, ok sorry about that! Did NOT see that photowall coming. . . sometimes I get Diarrhea of the brain. Oh adult ADD what can't you create? The point is this: We interviewed Emily Browning about her sexy new movie and talked about putting potatoes in her ass. . . wait what? emily browning
Dancing for Jesus
So how do you celebrate religion? This woman in Houston decided dancing on a pole was best. . . oh and more ass potatoes! strippin
Hey look, it's Danny Boi if he had talent or good looks!
Wanna hear something funny? Listen as DB goes from confident to bitch in under 5 minutes. Apparently Propecia reduces your libido and shrinks your weiner. . . haha tiny weiner, tiny weiner, you have a tiny weiner (wait since I'm the one writing this, why don't I stop making fun of myself? siggggghhhhhh tiny weiner) tiny weiner
Hellllllooooooo Black Man!
Spike Lee does not approve
Kids say the darndest things, like pointing out race in a crowded shopping center. Afentra tries to get to the bottom of it while Danny ponders the question, "Hey black people, we cool?" sigh
The Phelps are a comin to KRBZ
Oh Google image search do you ever NOT come through?
Megan Phelps is coming to co-host with Danny Boi after Afentra has this baby. . . maybe. There are some legalities to work out, first of which was the Phelps insistence of running an ad during the show. Don't believe me? Have a listen ghf
Oh Melissa, will you ever learn? Our heroine is determined to find out why her man "Hot" Carl won't let her visit. Perhaps he has a cousin from Myops? [What you don't get Myops? Well next thing you're going to say is you've never seen an episode of "Bosom Buddies". . . You haven't seen that either have you? Siiiiiiigggggghhhhh] war
So what did come of "Hot" Carl and his fear of acceptance? Also why would you ever name your kid Carl? I mean really. . .
Or if reading a page of text doesn't appeal to you and you just want to text something:
REDCROSS to 90999 donates $10 from your phone to the RedCross
MED to 80888 donates $10 to the International Medical Corps
There are many worthy organizations that need help helping Japan (was that a grammatical nightmare sentence or what?), and we aren't the ones to tell you how to help. Find a cause that you think is best, just do us a favor and find one. Anything you can give will help someone.
It's Wednesday so that means WAR OF TEH ROSES ( ZOMG! Look at this douche he can't even spell 'the'Â right! Funny story, the internet spells it 'teh', oh and they think you can haz peniz). Look what you've done distracting me from the point of the post, here's the brass tax: We don't know why this woman thinks somethings up, maybe you can decipher?Â shabbydoo
Part 2: Wait who's this? What? Who? Huh? Where am I?
Danny Boi has an undiagnosed bacterium in his colon of which compels him to break wind over 32 times per day; that or he lacks common-damn-decency and refuses to keep his sphincter clamped in public. Eventually someone was bound to call him on it, he never thought it would happen at CVS farts
Skydiving and why we don't do it
Sadly someone died over the weekend skydiving. Once again re-enforcing why you shouldn't jump out of a functioning airplane. Don't worry, we bring this topic back to earth. . . quickly. skydiving
To peg or not to peg; that is the question
A listener sent us an email describing her BF's fetish for "pegging" (do NOT google it at work), and (not surprisingly) Afentra says, "If it feels good do it." Danny Boi on the other hand wishes things to remain technical, you know, talking about hibbity dibbity's in your jigamaroo peggers
Did he or didn't he, and what happened to those photos? war2
What to do when this guy assaults the eldery
Danny was hanging out at one of his favorite local haunts when suddenly DoucheBag Magee shows up and starts yelling at his grandpa. Danny didn't do anything, what would you do? blf
Afentra SO HORNY! (thx to Charlie Sheen)
It started as a simple enough discussion, Charlie Sheen on 20/20, no big deal right? Well Afentra ventured off into twitter land and started ready Bree Olsons tweets; this led us down a dark and disturbing road. Ladies and Gentlemen, Afentra's so Horny. breeoslon
Wanna quick laugh? We often play a game called make Afentra cry (because she's preggers and emotional), today the game went horribly wrong. . . or some might say horribly right. bwahaha
Don Lapre makes millions putting tiiiiinnnnyyyy little ads
Once upon a time Danny gave this man money (well him and a lot of people), and didn't make a dime. Afentra sez scam, Danny sez hero, and you should listen to the history for the lulz. donzo
Now here he is, ladies and gents, the master of the mini ad, DOOOOOONNNNN LAPPRRRREEEEEEE! Can he help us with the Thelma statue? doznozzz
Afentra makes Danny eat pancakes and lustfully provides commentary AND a soundtrack. dfkjs
Fat Matt the overweight contortionist
Meet Matt, he is pushing 400 lbs yet can do a full split (both ways. . . if you catch my drift). Give it a listen as he describes his incredible powers, sexyness, and answers the age old question about heywood jablowme. osodfks
Ken Dupree is a damned genius! He can tell the color of your skin, the origins of your heritage, and your migrant status just by hearing your voice! It's amazing, it's uncanny, and it's here for you to listen. kendu
Kevin Polowy movie critic gives Oscar predictions
We were supposed to talk Oscars, but ended up spending 5 minutes talking about Drive Angry (which, IMO, will be the greatest movie ever made). fdsfsf
Danny Boi had a bit of an ass hair problem, and I'm not talking about the cheeks. His ice cave had become overgrown with hot damp global warming hair and needed to do something about it. His dad never taught him such things, so he forged ahead undaunted....with chemicals. nair
For those of you wanting to hear only the experiment itself minus DVD commentary. ouch
NOW LOOK BACK UP AT THAT PHOTO
Rap Rock Puttin' KC on the Map
On a very special Buzz Briefs, two local acts are damned determined to put KC ON THA' MAP!!!!! By doing a never before thought of idea. . . are you ready for this?!?!! Rap + Rock FTW! ooh yeah
You know who else likes this idea?
Brown Chicken Brown Cow Redux
So there's a dude, his name is Trace Adkins, and he has a song. The COL sure knew 'nuff 'bout it to make fun. Afentra. . . well she puts the bow-chica-wow-wow in brown-chicken-brown-cow asdgaykdulkdx
Well it happened, someone we know snorted bath salts. . . I really thought we were classier than this; I mean my god what's wrong with cocaine. Kids these days sheesh, no class. snort
Anon and the WBC
After a quick rundown of the KCMO election, we took a trip down the annals of the internet to a group known as Anon (otherwise known as liberators of those stuck in scientology, releasing of HBgary security fails, and many other great works), perhaps was targeting the Westboro Baptist Church. DB gives a rundown of the situation. anon
Of hairless mice and Facebook men
Danny Boi hopes this cure for baldness comes quickly as the hairline, she is receding. A new app on Facebook promises to let you know when your crush is single, because there's nothing creepy about that. facebook
Power couple? We think so. Kevin Smith called la programa de Afentra to promote his new movie "Red State". Good for us then that we had Megan Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church on ready 5 (Top Gun reference for those not in the know), to talk to him. Everything went better than expected WBC
Connie O'Brien has a superpower
Connie O'Brien is a Kansas State Legislator. She was horrified to see someone with "olive" complexion get student aid when her perfectly white snowflake of a son was denied connie
Apparently teens everywhere are engaging in a practice known as "Dirty Dancing". This involves grinding the buttocks against the groin area of another dancer. We at ABFMB were as shocked as you were to learn of this practice, and applaud the principal of one Chicago area high-school. Also Afentra loves Freak Nasty. . . who knew? hoochie coochie
People who produce bits and the radio hosts that love them.
Now we're getting into the meat and potatoes part of our search here at ABFMB. If you didn't know we are searching for a producer to fill the void left by Zima
The point is, we need someone, and we need them now. Today we gave two prospects a chance to share their bits. Amazingly we went 2/3 today.
Some of you in particular have been wondering, " HEY WEBSITE! Where is the third?!? I know I heard 3 bits today!" You did, and you aren't crazy (well you are, but this has nothing to do with it). Long story short, we rely on computers to record all conversations that go out over the air, and our server glitched out on us in the 9 o'clock hour today. This apparently caused listeners great distress, so I apologize if it caused you pain to not see this up here. The issue was resolved, but we are currently working on recovering our chit-chat (which per our engineers should be available tomorrow). In the meantime, you can listen to the bit as it stands alone, Ladies and Gentleman Ty FisherÂ TY
(EDIT NUMBER INFINITY)
Here is the long sought after mixtape of the actual broadcast. You'll have to excuse the quality of the audio, but it is the best our engineers were able to recover (Gooooo, go gadget RAID arrays!).Â ty again
Today was a good day at ABFMB, we had a girl on the webcam for the better part of 3 hours, learned of Afentra's bathroom issues, and found out just how to say the word "Baals". As always you can get our full podcast off iTunes!
She didn't have to say much, she just had to be there.
Listen as our latest interview for the producer position all but guarantees elimination from consideration by violating well known rules for bathroom etiquette. Rule #1 you do not sit next to Afentra in the can.Â Bear Poop
MythBusting; Harry Baals Style
Harry Baals has a problem, people think his name is inappropriate for a government building. His son, Jim Balls, disagrees. His first wife Minnie Baals was seen snickering in the corner somewhere. The point is Afentra called Dick's Donuts in Fort Wayne Indiana to get to the bottom of the balls.Â balls balls balls
How to prevent cheating on craigslist Afentra-Fu style
Afentra shares the secrets of life, love, and not sending a pic of your weiner.more balls
It's Wed, do you know what that means? Yep War of the Roses! Danny takes on his new role as HR manager in the search for our new "producer", Mark Sanchez decides to test the limits of consent, and Afentra Herps while she Derps. But first the newest internet meme, Internet Surprise Grandma
War of the Roses
She is cataloging hairs she finds as evidence of cheating, Crispin Glover is that you? Smell the hair
Let's do this CSI style baby and call the Husband Pete; Hopefully there isn't a lot of falloutÂ YEEEAAAAHHHHH
Dr. Tortilla HR is in the building and interviewing
We meet our first contestants, "Chunks" and "Dingleberry" ladies and gentleman flopsweat is in the building. Give it a listen and decide who you like best for our producer roll Tortilla
The Sanchiez's a dirty Sanchez
Mark Sanchez is nailin' a 17 year old. . . as if he didn't have enough. PedoBear
How bad was that B.E.P performance last night at the "Big Game" (yes we have to call it that because lawyers are stupid. . . did I say stupid? I meant intelligent humans who are not troll warts on the genitals of mother earth)? It was so bad that you've come here to ABFMB's blog to cleanse your audio canals with some ear bleach.
So let's get it on.
VD Spin the bottle sabotage
So what is beauty anyway? Who are we to define who is hot and who is indeed not? Afentra seems to have a reasonable grip on reality, where as DB should be considered the tittay dictator of women. Give it a listen as they argue over who belongs in the finalist circle! Shallow
Superbowl parties, not just for recluses anymore
Afentra does not engage in socialization with anyone, she prefers to stay at home sucking dorito cheese of her son Gyro's fingers. When she must go out she really doesn't want it to be at a "Big Game" party; fortunately for everyone involved, Danny's right hand man Jess Alyssa calls in to make everyone feel better about life and Lifetime movies for (wo)men. jess to the rescue
OH GOD NOT ANOTHER PRODUCER
Yes sadly the time has come for us to find the next ultimate failure, the good news is it could be YOU. Well probably not unless you have fake cans. . . bottom line: listen to this and if you think you've got what it takes send an email to email@example.com . (Please note this is not an offer for employment in any way shape or form <-----written by troll warts). BIG TITS
Professor Farnsworth here to take you down a lovely road that involves rainbows and gumdrops...with an occasional space wasp. Today on ABFMB we got an unexpectedly delightful interview from Whitney Port (who apparently likes ribs and sweatpants! I love to eat sweatpants flavored ribs too!). We also learned that science is important and getting a poop transplant is finally a reality, the future is now!
Danny gotÂ himselfÂ a sounder so he's gonna shoehorn a science story. This one happens to be about getting a poop transplant that could save your life! Oh and megachurches are going bankrupt right here in OP! I wonder how Jesus would feel about this.
Hallo, hallo guy and welcome to the ABFMB show recap for 02/11! Here is deal, I shall be hosting webpage for you crazy Americans until we figure out our producer woes. Remember In Soviet Russia website blogs you!
Where is Zima? Oh look I find him!
WAR OF THE ROSES
What do Pregnant women and Craigslist causal encounters have in common? Big Belly
Want to meet My Chemical Romance AND do some good? Tomorrow, Wednesday 12/8/10 bring canned goods for Harvesters to 7000 Squibb Rd in Mission, KS (just about Shawnee Mission Parkway and Metcalf), and you could get "meet and greet" passes to meet My Chemical Romance!
Here are the rules:
Bring donations starting at 7am and ending at 10 am
TheÂ top 3Â persons who bring the mostÂ number of cans wins
Variety is requested (Think about what you would want to eat)
Listen all morning to ABFMB for clips of Gerard Way, piece them together to form a sentence and BAM MCR meet and greet for you!
Listen here and listen good, Dwayne Bowe is the man, 7TD's in 7 games. Last week he introduced us to the Dwayne Bow after touchdowns. We here at ABFMB do love the "Bow" but might we humbly suggest a few sweet moves to incorporate? A video is coming soon to introduce the world to "Taste The Dwayne Bowe" both in song and interpretive dance. Make sure you tweet this high and far #tastethedwaynebowe . Wikileaks is set to release a document containing the most powerful knowledge known to man, "The Double Dwayne Bowe"
Facebook theatre strikes again! Willow Palin has some hate deep, deep inside her (unlike Bristol, who had Levi deep, deep inside her). See what baby grizzly does when someone mocks Sarah's show on TLC The link to the PDF is right after cocaine bear.
With the recent tire slashing in Oklahoma, Afentra once again welcomed on a family member of our favorite fag hating family, ladies and gentlemen (except those of you who like other gentlemen), Megan Phelps!
Unfortunately this dad was losing his baby due to medical reasons, more unfortunately his already painful loss was compounded by uninformed abortion protesters. Fortunately for us he wasn't going to take their baseless attacks lying down, more fortunately for us he recorded the whole thing.
hey babe i just wanted to leave you a message on fb bc
you STILL have yet to set up a vmail. I know you are having a hard time at work but just keep your head up. You are amazing and successful and i am utt
erly astonished by what you have been able to accomplish in the last 3 years. Don't let anyone make you feel like a piece of shit bc you have worked your ass off to be where you are now and you deserve to sit where you do and work where you do more than anyone else. keep your cool and know that you are an asset to that station and if they can't see that then it truly is their loss. lord knows how long it took them to get the job they have now and you, sir, have already been able to do it by the age of 21. be proud and let them be haters, its just their way of venting their jealousy of your good looks, accomplishments, and big fat cock ;)
also i just wanted to say how much i love and miss you. you are my life and not having you here with me is so hard especially when w
e have such hectic schedules right now. thank you for supporting me in being a rho gamma because i know it has been a major time suck and i haven'
t been able to communicate with you as much as either of us would like. i'm loving every minute of being a rho gamma, and being a leader and i am just so glad that you are supporting what i'm doing and i want to thank you for that.
as much as i'm loving my job right now i also can't wait for life to be back to normal again because not hearing your voice everyday is killing me. stay healthy and safe, tell trevor that i hope he's feeling better
, kick some ass at football, and have a great day.
i hope this novel i just wrote made you feel somewhat better and i hope it at least put a smile on your face. love you so much 143 forever
Attractive Chips & Dip and Vegetable Basket - Like New - $12 (Raymore)
Reply to: firstname.lastname@example.org [Errors when replying to ads?]
Date: 2009-03-03, 4:07PM CST
Very attractive dual purpose tray can be used to display the assorted vegetables or be used as 'Chips & Dip' tray. Tow fish that forms the handles of the basket are unique. Uncommonly sold. Paid 45 asking $12 for the whole set. Selling due to ralocation. Comes from a clean, NON smoking NO pets home.
Every year about this time Afentra is envious of the Catholics because she wants her ashes.Â I covet thy ash...I admire it...I want it...I need it...please send it to me!Â Send us a picture of you and your ashes to myashes@ABFMB.com.